Hitting the first Wall

 My poor husband had to witness the quiet wrath of Khan after my race. God bless him.

My poor husband had to witness the quiet wrath of Khan after my race. God bless him.

For a while there I was chugging along without brakes, but I'm realizing that I've finally hit the first wall in my journey to becoming the first African-American female professional road racer. It was inevitable, and here it is!

I've been working with kids for the past 6 years or so, and the most challenging adversary I've seen them face time and time again is change. Transitioning is seemingly impossible if you're two years old and have not yet grasped the idea that things usually work out.

And yet here I am, 28, having deliberately changed everything about everything. My job, my home, my world. Naturally, things are working out, but it is still pretty confusing, overwhelming, and stressful. The good news is that I'm going to have some pretty spectacular training rides as a result of all of this life frustration. Adulting is hard. 

While researching for my #VOLTWOMENTAKEOVER for instagram, I came across a post from a woman who mentioned that whenever you feel frustrated, or tired during a run, you should take all of that negativity and literally "put it in your legs". Girl, that's exactly what I plan to do. 

I started this season feeling unstoppable. I ended this season feeling exhausted, and inconsolable. I actually immediate exited the course after the final finish line of the season, packed up the car and went home. Something I've never done. I'd never been so frustrated with myself. Also, I'm a grown ass woman and public temper tantrums display exceptionally poor sportsmanship and a maturity level I wouldn't appreciate from anyone, ever. It wasn't extravagant or loud, but it still wasn't okay. So for anyone who witnessed that. I'm really sorry, it won't happen again.  My final points are just around the corner, there's no need for me to act like a baby because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. 

Side note: Podiums go 5 deep here. I've missed standing on two of them because I'm so used to podiums only being for the top 3. No disrespect there either, I honestly did not know. Now that I'm aware, If i get 5th place again, you better believe I will be standing there smiling my biggest smile and thanking all of the race organizers for even giving me the opportunity to be 5th place. 

Where is this going? Ah, yes. This wall I've hit, is a part of the journey. I'm sure it is just one of many walls to block my way.  No worries, I'm not even considering quitting. It's actually quite nice to be knocked back a few pegs so I can reroute and figure out how to climb over the wall instead of my recent caveman approach of trying to bang my head against it until it breaks.

I should probably find a coach and a team first. I've gotten some pretty spectacular recommendations for both out here in the Bay area. Since i'm new here, I'd really like to know all of my options. Please let me know if you are aware of a coach or a team that might be interested in letting me train/ride with/for them!  Woot!

I am NOT super-woman, but I am determined. I'm a tough cookie, and I've got this off-season to get fit, get my mind right, and come out swinging like I intend to. I'm going to put all of these thoughts, frustrations, and overwhelmed emotions into my training. So when racing season comes back, I. WILL. SLAY!

 

Ayesha McGowan5 Comments