WTF? How is it December?

This year has been a wild one. It has seriously flown by so quickly and I can’t believe it’s actually December already! At the start of this year, I was already facing a huge transition. I was laid up with one functioning ankle, unsure of how I was going to pull off a successful 2025. I wasn’t even sure what success looked like.

I made the decision to officially let go of my career as a bike racer. 2024 was supposed to be a year of “figuring stuff out” and instead it was a year of getting kicked in the teeth by life, repeatedly. Speaking of which, one day I’ll tell you about all the teeth I broke during my career, not from crashes, but from STRESS. Anywho, Long story short, I wanted to do some fun racing in America to get my spark back, but when I showed up for my first race, my heart rate was THROUGH THE ROOF.

It took me a ton of doctor’s visits, testing, bloodwork, scans, consultations, and more just to discover that my ADHD medication was the cause. I’d been trying to convince my psychiatrist for months that the medication wasn’t actually doing anything for my ADHD symptoms, and he just kept upping the dose. My gut was also telling me that it was probably also the cause of my heart issues, something I mentioned to him in FEBRUARY when I attempted the race in the first place, but he was like. “let’s just make it stronger!” By July I was on the maximum doseage, feeling absolutely horrible trying to do anything remotely athletic, and I finally decided to just pull the plug myself. I e-mailed the psychiatrist to ask what would happen if I stopped the meds. He basically said, “you’ll experience some withdrawl and then you’ll be fine.” So I stopped, cold turkey. And wouldn’t you guess? Those heart issues cleared right on up. I finished the 400km Ride Across Girona in August, and ran a half-marathon in November.

Unfortunately, on the way home from the half-marathon, I got into an accident and broke my ankle, because the universe really wanted to give me one last bop over the head? Who even knows. But it was enough for me to feel like another comeback simply wasn’t worth it. Not to race at a super high level. So I called it. And I haven’t regretted it once.

After the acceptance that I wasn’t a bike racer anymore, I entered a state of indifference. I was dedicated to this one thing for so long, I didn’t have a care left to give. I decided to literally just go with the flow. I’d grinded my way to the top level of the sport, and Auntie was TIRED. I wasn’t trying to fight any more. I rode my bike when I felt like it, and sat on the couch when I felt like it. I signed up for runs and rides that seemed interesting or challenging, and ran and rode on feel. My only goals were usually to finish if possible, have fun, and stay upright. I wasn’t particularly excited about any one thing. But I was chugging along.

Little by little I felt the desire to make new friends, and show up for stuff. I found myself enjoying being around people again. Riding alone didn’t seem as fun anymore, so I took advantage of group rides, and riding buddies. If I felt like it, I did it, If i didn’t feel like it, I didn’t do it.

Somehow, through my indifference, I managed to accomplish quite a bit. And while productivity is not necessarily a sign of success, it feels really good to have done things during a time when I felt like doing nothing.

Now I’m on the other side of my indifference. I feel a spark again. I feel creative, and excited, and ambitious. Inspired even. I’ve learned to meet myself where I am, but I also know that I need to push myself a little to get to where I want to go. THERE ARE PLACES I WANT TO GO!

So I’m starting with December. I think the last time I did a challenge like this was 2016, so it’s about time to try it again. This month, I want to create some form of content every day until Christmas day. Back in the day it was 25 days of Blogmas, but I’m mixing the bag a little. It can be a Blog here, and Instagram Post, or maybe even if I’m feeling spicy, a YouTube video. I used to really enjoy making those. It’s like a little Ayesha propelled Advent Calendar. Speaking of which, I get to start my tea advent calendar today!

So wish me luck, and if you don’t mind, stay tuned and engage. I thrive on interacting and feedback, not just for social media analytics, but as a person. I love when y’all email me, or leave a comment and such. Part of this challenge is to always respond.

Yay for pushing myself a little bit! Let’s go!

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